Life through my eyes



Dear Professor Brad,

I am Phoa Yong Quan, currently pursuing a degree in sustainable infrastructure engineering (building services) at Singapore Institute of Technology. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in clean energy back in 2016. I served my national service as a naval warfare specialist onboard RSS Stalwart after going through basic military training.

Being a naval warfare specialist, my role was to ensure how to operate basic platform system so that the ship would be operationally ready. I also went through basic firefighting course and learned how to operate the firefighting system onboard ship. I feel that the ship is similar to a building. Just like a building, it has to be well maintained in terms of safety and operational. This has led me to enrol in this programme to enhance my knowledge in this field.

One of my strength is I am able to work well with others. During my internship at a local energy consultancy firm, I often get the opportunities to work with various personal. From the retrofitting project that I was involved in, I managed to get along well with the technicians and able to get the job done successfully.

I would describe myself as an introvert as I tend to get anxiety when speaking to a large crowd. This has led to one of my weaknesses in communication where I do not have confidence in myself in presentation and public speaking. I tend to stutter and avoid eye contact when presenting.

The goals that I set for myself for this module is to improve in my writing communication skills and to be a better presenter. It is an essential set of skill that will greatly benefit me for my future endeavours. I hope I will be able to express myself freely and be more confident.



Yours sincerely,

Phoa Yong Quan

 (Revisited: 24/9/18)

 Blog commented:
Jorine
Randi
Ken 


Comments

  1. Brad Blackstone10 September 2018 at 23:00

    Dear Yong Quan,

    Thanks for posting this detailed letter. I look forward to reading some of your peer’s comments before I make any of my own.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jorine14 September 2018 at 00:31

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown14 September 2018 at 00:35

    Content: 7. Good experience information shared and goals! Though it would be nice if you shared more about your strength in communication.

    Organisation: 8. The arrangement of your content is clearly stated accordingly in paragraphs.

    Language: 7. Occasional grammar errors here and there, but there is a good use of vocabularies!

    Overall, it is quite well written! 7.3/10 !

    ReplyDelete
  4. Randi V.16 September 2018 at 03:52

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NH16 September 2018 at 08:07

    Content: 7/10
    - Could have mentioned one of your strengths in communication
    - Good explanation of interests and goals.

    Organisation: 8/10
    - Well-organised and good paragraphing.

    Language Used: 7/10
    - Use of simple English and easily understood.
    - Minor grammar errors.

    Overall: 22/30 :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. thyuk17 September 2018 at 09:52

    Content: 7/10 - Could have elaborated further for strengths, weakness & goals

    Organisation: 8/10 - Well-organised and very nice flow from point to point.

    Language: 7/10 - Some error in tenses but the whole letter has a very simple use of vocabulary yet conveyed all the necessary information to the reader.

    Overall: 22/30! - Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ken18 September 2018 at 07:02

    Dear Yong Quan,

    It’s nice to meet a fellow navy serviceman! Just a few comments:

    Content – Would be better if you had included one of your strengths on communication, I’m sure you have a positive communication input you can share with the class! On another note, it’s cool how you linked your national service experience to your university course.

    Organisation – Paragraphing and punctuation are appropriately used throughout the letter. Flow of topics from intro to close is smooth, making it easy to understand the letter.

    Language – Forgetting the word ‘engineering’ when you stated your course on the first line of your letter, signing off at the end should be “Yours sincerely” instead. Other than that, sentence structures are kept clear, concise and straight to the point. Keep up the good effort!

    I look forward to working with you in the near future.

    Best regards,
    Ken

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jorine19 September 2018 at 04:42

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Unknown19 September 2018 at 04:45

    Dear Yong Quan,

    It's nice to see someone else from the same polytechnic as I was!

    In regards to some of my thoughts on your letter:

    Content: There is a good amount of information shared about yourself as well as your goals! Though it would be great if you shared more about your strengths in communication.

    Organisation - The content is quite organised into paragraphs and it makes good flow of your letter. It was really easy to understand your letter.

    Language use: There were a few grammar errors. Some of your sentences sound weird as well. For example, strength should have been written as strengths in "One of my strength would be...". But there is a good use of vocabularies.

    Overall, it is quite a well-written letter. Good job, and I look forward in working with you!

    Best regards,
    Jorine Ng

    ReplyDelete
  10. Randi V.20 September 2018 at 20:53

    Dear Kieth,
    Content: well elaborated content and it'd be better to share about one for your strengths too.
    Organisation: good flow and paragraphing.
    Language: there is an error changing tenses in some paragraphs.

    All in all, it's a nice piece of writing!

    Best regards,
    Randi.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Brad Blackstone22 September 2018 at 02:09

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Brad Blackstone22 September 2018 at 02:10

    Dear Yong Quan,

    Thank you for this detailed reflection letter. You cover the key assignment areas and give lots of information with quite good fluency. You do a good job of connecting your various experiences, both in the navy and in other settings, with your skills levels and goals for enhancing your communication skills. That shows good organzation sense.

    There are some areas in this letter that can be improved:

    1. verb issues
    -- ...my role was to ensure how to operate basic platform system so that the ship will be operational ready. >>> (the future tense expressed from a past perspective is 'would')
    -- I also had gone through basic firefighting course and how to operate the firefighting system onboard ship. >>> (use of past perfect)
    I also went through basic firefighting course and LEARNED how to operate the firefighting system onboard ship.
    -- I often get the opportunities to work ... >>> (past or present?)

    2. phrasing/word forms
    -- operational ready >>> (two adjectives, but one modifies the other) ?
    -- in terms of safety and operational >>> (word form problem)
    -- One of my strength would be I am able to work well with other. >>>
    (plurality)
    -- one of the retrofitting project >>> ?
    -- that I was involved >>> (collocation) that I was involved in
    -- a essential set >>> (use of article)
    -- an introvert person >>> ?

    I look forward to working with you further this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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